So 2010 is over, history. Finally a fresh start, the best way to bring in my new year was kissing Joseph.
Not only did I get to spend the 1st day of the new year with him, he told me he loves me. My heart nearly sank so deep into my chest I thought it had stopped, I just looked at him with disbelief in my eyes; I felt breathless, had no idea it was happening. Just like that I tell him that I love him too, it just spilled out like word vomit. The entire drive home [ 1 hour 20 minutes of it] I couldn't get the sight and feeling out of my head, I said it so quickly... Though the moment seemed to be minutes. I know that I meant it, I can't get him out of my head, when I'm not with him I feel incomplete, when I'm with him I feel as though... I have found my true self, he brings out all the best in me.
My family seems to like him, my dad gave his approval, no that I would drop Joseph if he didn't like him... It's just nice to know that there wont be any animosity between the two of them in the future. I got to meet his family today, they seem to be really nice people; and I hope to get to know them better over time.
I feel like such... a romantic moosh writing these things, I just can't help it! I usually read this type of stuff by others and up-chuck a little in disgust... Now I'm one of those people, though now I can truly see why some people write stuff like that.
I don't really have anything smart-ass, cynical, or mean to say at this time [ Don't look so disappointed ]... Now at least you know I'm not a total prude.
Jan 2, 2011
Dec 30, 2010
Saga that is my life: Observations
As dad left to yet again stay the night as his girlfriends house, 'as though I have no importance in his life'; He makes sure I know what my "duty" is for the night. Oh yes, like I could forget that I have to clean the house. Not only clean, but scrub down. Usually I wouldn't mind such a task, since I have nothing of importance to do anyways... I just prefer to not clean up after grown men. He's not 70 and senile, he can take care of himself... Yet when I'm "home" on a vacation, I spend most of it cleaning & alone. Oh well, the silence isn't all that bad from time to time. Though I did have to hide my own rum from myself....
I got a phone call from my sweetie, what a relief to be able to not only talk to someone, but to keep my mind of all the depressing things that seem to wonder into my head when alone. We talked about everything, and nothing all at once. He really truly brightens my horizon. He hinted that he wants us to move in together when we're both done with school... At that moment I noticed how inescapably he completes me. Honestly scared me a little, to have that thought and a feeling at the same time... I'm not used to having feelings like this for another person, I can see myself truly falling in-love with him. Even thinking that possibility makes me wanna hide in a dark cave for eternity, I have never truly loved a single soul. Sure I love, but not like it's meant to be. Is that a normal reflex for the situation? I ponder whether it's real or not, it feels real... Yet I suppose I'm so used to abuse and heart break that I don't know what real is. I hope for sanity sake that it is real, and I have found 'the one'.
We want the same things in life, Joseph and I. Every time we talk the more we realize we think alike. Which could be a bad thing, but in this case I believe it's a good thing. Our personalities are opposite, but our thought pattern seems to be in sync. Which is great for decision making, wouldn't you say? I feel like such a sappy romantic fairy tale dreaming nerd right now, the way I am talking... I really feel like slapping myself right now.
Only time will tell... I'll leave this adventure to the hands of my future.
Saw snow flakes today, in Arizona of all places. Not northern Arizona, but the valley, I almost had a seizure from excitement! Haven't seen snow in about five years, and thought it would be a couple more before I do. Crazy right? I think so.
Well people of the masses that take your precious time out to read my stories, I am off to the land of cleaning... where all French maid costumes are half off and sex is not an option. Till next time.
I got a phone call from my sweetie, what a relief to be able to not only talk to someone, but to keep my mind of all the depressing things that seem to wonder into my head when alone. We talked about everything, and nothing all at once. He really truly brightens my horizon. He hinted that he wants us to move in together when we're both done with school... At that moment I noticed how inescapably he completes me. Honestly scared me a little, to have that thought and a feeling at the same time... I'm not used to having feelings like this for another person, I can see myself truly falling in-love with him. Even thinking that possibility makes me wanna hide in a dark cave for eternity, I have never truly loved a single soul. Sure I love, but not like it's meant to be. Is that a normal reflex for the situation? I ponder whether it's real or not, it feels real... Yet I suppose I'm so used to abuse and heart break that I don't know what real is. I hope for sanity sake that it is real, and I have found 'the one'.
We want the same things in life, Joseph and I. Every time we talk the more we realize we think alike. Which could be a bad thing, but in this case I believe it's a good thing. Our personalities are opposite, but our thought pattern seems to be in sync. Which is great for decision making, wouldn't you say? I feel like such a sappy romantic fairy tale dreaming nerd right now, the way I am talking... I really feel like slapping myself right now.
Only time will tell... I'll leave this adventure to the hands of my future.
Saw snow flakes today, in Arizona of all places. Not northern Arizona, but the valley, I almost had a seizure from excitement! Haven't seen snow in about five years, and thought it would be a couple more before I do. Crazy right? I think so.
Well people of the masses that take your precious time out to read my stories, I am off to the land of cleaning... where all French maid costumes are half off and sex is not an option. Till next time.
Dec 29, 2010
Saga that is my life: Part One
There are five days left of my Winter Vacation. Spent most of it alone in an empty house... Kind of depressing don't you think? Probably why I keep staring at my half empty bottle of Rum; like it's my only family. Signs of a true alcoholic, sad that everyone in my family seems to be one. Fighting the temptation these last couple months have been agony, but I am worth more than what a bottle of alcohol can give me... Least that's what I tell myself.
The few moments I did get to spend with my family, guess what we did... Drink. Yes, family bonding at it's best. Sad that we can't even get together without opening a beer, or a bottle of liquor. Fun it may seem, but when that's all we do together, doesn't seem so great. If it wasn't for my boyfriend Joseph calling me every couple days, I honestly think I would have lost myself within the confines of a bottle, or two, or three. I put on this smile, a facade, make people think that my family is so great... Don't get me wrong they are, but we are so... How would one put this?!?... disinclined to one another's feelings or needs?!? I just can't let my family's name be torn by my distaste for how we are, which is why I paint such pretty pictures of our lives...
My parents have been divorced for 9 months now, mum has been re-married for 7. And she plans on having a child with the guy, that very well could be my older brother by 4 years. Weird as it may seem... I don't care. She left us, why waste my time hating her for that? For months I sat within myself loathing her every fiber; but what good did it do? It didn't bring her back, it only hurt her. Yeah she was a horrible mother; abusive, lier. I could sit here and list all the horrible things she put me threw, but that would not only waste your time, but mine as well. Lets just say I made amends with her, for my own sanity. You maybe reading this and go "wtf"... I have realized there's no point in tomorrow if you can't get over yesterday. So, with that said. I have forgiven her and befriended her. Not that she needs a "daughter" anymore, just a friend.
And as a new friend to my mum, I have apparently been appointed her therapist. I, her 23 year old "daughter" is giving her advice, helping her become a little less psychotic. Harsh you may think, if only you knew my mother... The saying a therapist always needs a therapist never rang more true!
Since October 17th I have been attending Fred G. Acosta Job Corps. Yes, I am living the dream... [hope you sense my sarcasm] Don't get me wrong, Free is always good in my book. Finally getting that High School Diploma I so devastatingly made the mistake of not acquiring, along with two certifications: Medical Office Support & Phlebotomy. Just one step closer to my intended goal. Life on campus isn't as horrible as I had imagined in my head, though sometimes I wish it were; imagine, your favorite soap opera but in real life. Yeah, not so glam is it? A little action here and there would be fun. The teachers seem to hate their lives, but put on this fake show that they give a crap. But what do I care right? I'm only getting my education there... Luckily for me, the days go by quickly; and by my surprise I am in the top 10% g.p.a of the entire school. *noise makers & hollers here* & you would think that would excite me right? False, it's too easy. I just want to work in a medical lab doing diagnostics, but the unfortunate journey there is... in lesser words, bull shit.
The kids at my school are typical when mixed with minors... Few people are worth my time, and those few are really close friends of mine. My boyfriend sticks out like a sore thumb, being Irish, gorgeous, and ruthlessly smart... yep the whole package. Girls hate me for being with him, not only because he's one of maybe five hot guys, but he's the only one of those five with brains. Maybe it's my bubbly personality that got his attention? .... Hey reading this you may not think I am, but I am.
Well, there is more to tell, but I believe I have given enough material for you to read. Feel free to scratch your head and try to figure out what the hell you just ingested into your brains. I will now go pray, and hope that tomorrow goes by very quickly so that I can see Joseph for New Years.
The few moments I did get to spend with my family, guess what we did... Drink. Yes, family bonding at it's best. Sad that we can't even get together without opening a beer, or a bottle of liquor. Fun it may seem, but when that's all we do together, doesn't seem so great. If it wasn't for my boyfriend Joseph calling me every couple days, I honestly think I would have lost myself within the confines of a bottle, or two, or three. I put on this smile, a facade, make people think that my family is so great... Don't get me wrong they are, but we are so... How would one put this?!?... disinclined to one another's feelings or needs?!? I just can't let my family's name be torn by my distaste for how we are, which is why I paint such pretty pictures of our lives...
My parents have been divorced for 9 months now, mum has been re-married for 7. And she plans on having a child with the guy, that very well could be my older brother by 4 years. Weird as it may seem... I don't care. She left us, why waste my time hating her for that? For months I sat within myself loathing her every fiber; but what good did it do? It didn't bring her back, it only hurt her. Yeah she was a horrible mother; abusive, lier. I could sit here and list all the horrible things she put me threw, but that would not only waste your time, but mine as well. Lets just say I made amends with her, for my own sanity. You maybe reading this and go "wtf"... I have realized there's no point in tomorrow if you can't get over yesterday. So, with that said. I have forgiven her and befriended her. Not that she needs a "daughter" anymore, just a friend.
And as a new friend to my mum, I have apparently been appointed her therapist. I, her 23 year old "daughter" is giving her advice, helping her become a little less psychotic. Harsh you may think, if only you knew my mother... The saying a therapist always needs a therapist never rang more true!
Since October 17th I have been attending Fred G. Acosta Job Corps. Yes, I am living the dream... [hope you sense my sarcasm] Don't get me wrong, Free is always good in my book. Finally getting that High School Diploma I so devastatingly made the mistake of not acquiring, along with two certifications: Medical Office Support & Phlebotomy. Just one step closer to my intended goal. Life on campus isn't as horrible as I had imagined in my head, though sometimes I wish it were; imagine, your favorite soap opera but in real life. Yeah, not so glam is it? A little action here and there would be fun. The teachers seem to hate their lives, but put on this fake show that they give a crap. But what do I care right? I'm only getting my education there... Luckily for me, the days go by quickly; and by my surprise I am in the top 10% g.p.a of the entire school. *noise makers & hollers here* & you would think that would excite me right? False, it's too easy. I just want to work in a medical lab doing diagnostics, but the unfortunate journey there is... in lesser words, bull shit.
The kids at my school are typical when mixed with minors... Few people are worth my time, and those few are really close friends of mine. My boyfriend sticks out like a sore thumb, being Irish, gorgeous, and ruthlessly smart... yep the whole package. Girls hate me for being with him, not only because he's one of maybe five hot guys, but he's the only one of those five with brains. Maybe it's my bubbly personality that got his attention? .... Hey reading this you may not think I am, but I am.
Well, there is more to tell, but I believe I have given enough material for you to read. Feel free to scratch your head and try to figure out what the hell you just ingested into your brains. I will now go pray, and hope that tomorrow goes by very quickly so that I can see Joseph for New Years.
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